i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
