your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
