the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
