Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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