What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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