If i come over, it means nothing
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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