Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Two words: nipple clamps
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