I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
