Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
