I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
