I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
