Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
