he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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