I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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