perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
