my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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