u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
