So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
