Three words: puerto rican gang bang
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
