She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
