The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I want to have your abortion
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
