i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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