I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
