i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
