im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
