Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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