bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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