You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
