2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
