put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I need a burrito and a hug.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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