So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
