If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
