Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
