found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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