Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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