I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
