Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
