so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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