Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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