I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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