1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize