hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
