You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
