Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
they need to just BURY HIM!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
