Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
