I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
