sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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