Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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