pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
