Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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