Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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