Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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