Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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