arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
im six kinds of drunk right now
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
