I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
