i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
