why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think I just sharted jello shots
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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