Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
