it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
