once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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