i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
