that's an acceptable place to lick
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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