finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
